20 Mar Book Review: I Don’t Know How She Does It by Allison Pearson

Some books capture a particular stage of life so well that they feel like a conversation with a friend who just gets it. I Don’t Know How She Does It is one of those books. It is sharp, funny, and painfully relatable, especially for anyone who has ever tried to juggle a career, motherhood, marriage, and the constant pressure to have it all together. Allison Pearson’s novel is both a satire of modern working motherhood and an unflinchingly honest portrayal of how exhausting, guilt-ridden, and complicated that balancing act can be.

What’s it about?

Kate Reddy is a thirty-five-year-old hedge fund manager living in London. She is successful, smart, and extremely good at her job. She is also the mother of two young children and spends most of her life feeling like she is failing at everything. She wakes up at dawn to answer emails before her kids wake up, races home from work just in time for bedtime stories, and stays up late at night “distressing” store-bought pies so they look homemade for school events. She loves her children, but she also loves her work, and no matter what she does, she feels like she is constantly letting someone down.

Kate’s husband, Richard, is an architect, and while he is technically supportive, he also doesn’t fully understand the mental load Kate carries. She is the one who manages the family calendar, arranges playdates, remembers birthdays, and handles school obligations—all while trying to keep her demanding clients happy and avoid being edged out by younger, child-free colleagues. The pressure is relentless, and the expectations feel impossible.

Things become even more complicated when Kate finds herself developing feelings for Jack Abelhammer, an American client who actually listens to her and sees her as more than just an overworked mother. Their email exchanges become flirtatious, and for the first time in years, she feels a spark of something that is just for her. But she also knows that crossing that line could destroy the fragile balance she has worked so hard to maintain.

As the novel progresses, Kate begins to question everything. Why does she feel guilty no matter what choice she makes? Why do working fathers get praised for being involved, while working mothers are judged for not being home enough? Is it even possible to “have it all,” or is that just a myth designed to keep women feeling inadequate?

The breaking point comes when Kate realizes she is stretched too thin, pulled in too many directions, and trying to meet expectations that no one—not even the so-called perfect mothers at her children’s school—can actually meet. She has to make a decision about what really matters, what she is willing to sacrifice, and whether the version of success she has been chasing is actually making her happy.

The novel doesn’t wrap everything up with a neat little bow. Instead, it offers a realistic look at what it means to be a modern woman trying to balance work, motherhood, and identity. It is equal parts heartbreaking and hilarious, capturing both the absurdity and the deep emotional weight of trying to be everything to everyone.

What This Chick Thinks

A brutally honest look at working motherhood

One of the things this book does so well is capture the guilt and exhaustion that comes with trying to be a “perfect” working mother. Kate constantly feels like she is failing—when she is at work, she feels guilty for not being home, and when she is home, she feels guilty for not being more focused on her job. This is something so many women experience, and the way Pearson writes it makes it feel both painfully real and darkly funny.

A character who feels real

Kate is not always likable. She is stressed, overworked, and sometimes makes terrible decisions. But that is what makes her such a compelling character. She is not some flawless, aspirational superwoman—she is a person who is barely holding it together, just like so many women in her position.

A biting, witty critique of gender roles

The novel doesn’t just tell Kate’s story—it also highlights the double standards that working mothers face. Kate’s male colleagues have children, but no one questions their dedication to their jobs. Her husband is a parent too, but he isn’t expected to juggle everything the way she is. The book points out these contradictions in a way that is sharp, clever, and often infuriating.

A mix of humor and heartbreak

There are moments in this book that are laugh-out-loud funny—Kate’s inner monologues about school bake sales, office politics, and the absurdity of parenting advice are full of dry wit. But there are also moments that are deeply emotional, where the weight of her exhaustion and the fear of making the wrong choice hit hard. It is this balance between humor and raw honesty that makes the book so compelling.

Final Thoughts

I Don’t Know How She Does It is a novel that speaks to the impossible expectations placed on modern women. It is funny, smart, and painfully real, offering a look at what happens when a woman tries to meet every demand placed upon her—until she finally realizes that something has to give.

If you have ever felt stretched too thin, if you have ever wondered whether “having it all” is a lie, if you have ever laughed through your own exhaustion because it’s the only thing keeping you from crying, this book will resonate with you.

Rating: 8.5/10

Try it if you like

• Where’d You Go, Bernadette by Maria Semple – A witty and sharp novel about a woman who disappears after struggling to balance motherhood, marriage, and personal ambition.
• The Nanny Diaries by Emma McLaughlin and Nicola Kraus – Another satirical take on modern parenting, focusing on the ridiculous demands placed on nannies in wealthy families.
• Bridget Jones’s Diary by Helen Fielding – While not about motherhood, it has a similar mix of humor, self-deprecation, and a woman trying to make sense of her life.